revelations

This isn't polished. It's not even chiseled.

Can we mistake a calling from God and then find ourselves screwed because of a wrong interpretation of His will? Is it that we didn't pray enough to begin with or that we lack personal responsibility for our decisions?

Is it WWJD or what would Jesus have me do in the present life he has me in knowing the things I know, living in the city I do, with the privileges I have? Why don't we replicate every Biblical experience we read? If I want to be like Paul do I have to be thrown in jail to fully get it? Am I missing it if I don't die nailed to the cross? How do we decide what is normative and what is unique for the time being? Can we even evaluate experiences as being good or bad? Parables aren't real experiences but they're true. What's the difference between real and true?

These thoughts spurred on from Dr. Kreider's take on the books "Surprised by the voice of God: how God speaks today through dreams, visions, and prophecies" by Deere and "Models of Revelation" by Dulles.

I needed to write these out, before I forget and somehow it releases tensions and agitations of not understanding. If you read this, indulge me. I could use the help.

What if I find myself in another country, in a relationship, down a narrow path and wake up one day and realize I was just mistaken of God's leading me to that place in the first place and so I leave? How terrifying is that? What can we truly rely on that is consistent? Deere goes so far to say even Scripture can be trumped by visions. Woah. But, what of Peter who had been told by God in Scripture to not eat unclean animals and then in a vision is given a tent of unclean animals and told to eat. Ok so now it's ok because of the extension of promises that are fulfilling Scriptures. I understand the picture falls under the expansion of promises to the Gentiles, unclean to Jews, and it's all about the bigger picture of God's plan of redemption. But, unsettling kind of. Can anyone claim a vision to trump what appears to be contradictory to the Word of God? What do we mean when we say Scripture is complete, sufficient, authority?

This is bothering me because it keeps coming up in conversation. "The Lord led me to this. I am going to follow his calling." 3 months later. "Nevermind, I'm not going to follow-through with this, his calling has changed." What is this? Initial wrong interpretations, blame, lack of responsibility, flakiness, God's ambiguity, or a legitimate claim?

How do I decide the truthfulness of an experience if sometimes experiences are real, but not true or true, but not real? I remember the time a wise mentor laid into me after I led a group conflict and I decided it resolved well because people aired out their dirty laundry, tears and hugs happened, and we finally ended it. He on the other hand thought differently. How did I know it was good? We didn't even follow-through with our beginning goal of coming up with a discipline for our group. What if I was actually deceived into believing it ended well just because there were tears when really nothing was accomplished and let it go on for way too long? What if I led that whole experience poorly and stirred up a hornet's nest with no means of handling it once they start to swarm and sting?

I don't understand.

Reeses Pieces

I've been thinking about reeses pieces. I don't know what it is about that lovely combo of chocolate and peanut-butter that always seems to just take over. I've been thinking: why use just three colors? And what's the point for differentiating colors when they all taste the same? What is about these little pieces, even extra-terrestrials like ET know are a good thing?

I just really enjoyed eating those tonight with a fire and good book. Hmmm. And get this-I read for the sake of reading a book. The little reeses reminded me of good things I had forgotten about. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed reading for the sake of reading. I perused among the shelf and found a book with a penguin on the front which normally ends up on Oprah's shelf so I knew it was worthwhile. "At Home in Mitford" was written by Jan Karon who left the fast lane of advertising in the big city and moved away to a quaint town filled with quaint people. She is a personal translator of the secret longings of my soul.

Which reminded me of another piece I indulged in one of those seminary books- ["longing makes the heart deep."] Hmmmm.

For some reason I quiet longings especially after seeing so many recent longings fulfilled. I mean what else do I really have the right to long for? It has been good for recent bits of literature to remind me to long again. It is crystallizing.

I've been sipping on this idea of "longing" as well as orange spice tea with a dash of honey. It's quite a waltz.

Lastly, my fellow Cyberians, I'd like to make a declaration:

A declaration to write. To write in such a way that gives myself the freedom to write again and not just the writings that come from the "potential-sophisticated-correct-profound-me," but the "right-foot-left-foot-everyday-me" writings as well. It's a home-remedy for taking myself too seriously these days.

In my intro to Theology class we had to state, "Hello, my name is (Mandi) and I am a theologian." Whew. It's good to be out.

And one of our responsibilities as theologians is to practice the discipline of humor as a means to remember the futility of our lives. You know, a sort of eat, drink, be merry principle. So this will be a way of ignoring criticism, over-analytical, dissecting motivations that seem to cloud the beauty of the mind. And just maybe there will be less secret sheds of newspaper articles and red marker lines all over the walls of my mind.

Yes. I do declare.

Come now let us reason together

"We must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it." Heb 2:1

"Faith...is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. For moods will change, whatever view your reason takes. I know that by experience. Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable...That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods "where they get off," you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion." --Lewis

"I just hold onto hope and hold onto a hand..then bloom where you're planted" --dad

I've been wrong to study the distortions in hopes of knowing the truth. If I hold onto what is true I'll recognize the counterfeit. Simple enough?

Everything is made beautiful in its time...

We've been discussing beauty with the Thursday group. We concluded with the question: is beauty absolute or simply in the eye of the beholder? What prevents us from seeing beauty? What gives us value? For the sake of the argument I've been considering answers from all worldviews. I've had glimmers of hopelessness and defeat as I've considered the possibilities of answers. If all my actions are in response to the beliefs in my core, then it's vital to know what I believe.

Is beauty absolute? Or am I my own source of the standard of beauty? If I am the judge then beauty is never the same. What is beautiful today will be repulsive tomorrow. If I am the source then beautiful things do not stand a chance of winning the World's Top 100 Most Beautiful two years in row. Beauty is fleeting.

How beautiful the promise of our Maker to make everything beautiful in its time. Time is no longer nemesis, but a renewing agent toward extracting beauty. I find it rather savoring.